Updates & Things I've realized

Updates

School
One more week. This has been the worst year in the history of my school experiences, and I'm more than thrilled to watch it go. I am mostly caught up and confident in all classes besides english and biology. English because my teacher is a little wack (telling kids that we should just go kill ourselves, and that she hopes bricks will fall from the ceiling onto our faces. She also never specifies what assignments are actually counted as a grade, causing confusion.) And biology, because I refused to dissect a rat which pissed my teacher off. Fine by me, I refuse to cut open and tear apart an innocent animal that was killed for juvenile scientific purposes, and also smells like sanitary murder. (A large number of these rats were pregnant, and my teacher took the fetuses and proudly displayed them all squished up in a petri dish.) I hate my school with a passion, and am very thankful I'm halfway through it. I plan on graduating early, hopefully in 2011, so I can get out of the house and start my own life. This plan isn't going as straight forward as I would have hoped because I'm confused on the requirements and deadlines and my counselor is very vague about the whole thing.

Family
So Maddie, my sister who is THREE years younger than me, constantly steals my underwear. This absolutly disgusts me and angers me beyond belief when I don't have enough clean underwear. I believe that personal underwear is a human right, and one in which I am deprived of. She also steals anything else she wants, including shirts, shoes, and even jeans. (Thank god I have bigger boobs, so I can at least keep my bras to myself.) I am very possesive, so this does not go over well with me. And if she'd just ask, I might consider letting her borrow something, but finding my planned outfit on our bathroom floor, dirty, after just having washed it for myself the next day is untolerably unpleasant. And my parents do absolutly nothing to stop this, in fact they have told me that I shall soon be recieving my 6th grade sister's hand-me-downs. In defense, I said that her style is completely different than mine, in which they replied that my style is different than hers and she gets my hand-me-downs. Now people, remember she is THREE YEARS YOUNGER. Why would I want to go fashionably backwards? To her, recieving my hand-me-downs is going forwards. And hell, she doesen't even wait for me to outgrow them, she takes them NOW! So when my wardrobe suddenly consists of all Aeropostal, Limited Too, and Justice clothes, blame my parents. Even if they're clothes I bought with my own money that I earned, she steals it, and my parents don't do anything about it. This has been going on for years. Need birthday ideas? Get me underwear that has my name printed ALL over it. This probably wouldn't stop the underwear monster, but it's worth a try. I should invent smart underwear- panties that shock if not worn by their owner. I'll be a millionare, just watch.

Friends
If you read my latest blog, it was about my parents and their excessive camping. Hannah saved me and let me stay with her for 5 days last week, for which I will be eternally greatful. I love Hannah and her family and it was the most fun I've had in a while and a lovely get-away.
And my ferocious buddy Paige hurt her arm in a vicious shark wrestling match. She won ;)

Jorge<3
This week we had two consecutive drama-less happy days which is a big deal for us. Not that we're not always happy, but there are usually brief mood-swings involved. We both are like pregnant women on their periods (I know, not possible, but just imagine the hormones.) and putting us together can get quite pathetically dramatic. It's been 4 and a half months, and this guy still has the ability to make me giggly and happy and be my best friend at the same time. I still sit in class, anxious for the bell to ring just so I can run to see him for a few minutes. I absolutly love this kid<3<3<3 I believe his family is beginning to really accept me which makes me extremely pleased. We also have new matching sunglasses which make us feel cute when worn together :)

Music
I was SUPPOSED to go to a Fun & Manchester Orchestra concert on Wednesday. I have been looking forward to this for MONTHS. Let me explain; last summer I discovered the most fantastic and musically talented band EVER, called The Format. I listened to them all last summer, learning every single lyric to every single song, causing them to become the soundtrack to my life. Nate Ruess is unbelievably talented, and I know for a fact I am his biggest fan :) Anyways, The Format broke up (quite a while ago) and Nate Ruess created a new band, by the name of Fun. Fun doesn't even have an album out yet, just some demos. (although they promised they would by Spring 2009, and I am unpatiently waiting.) and they are unknown to most of humanity, which makes me love them even more. Theres NOTHING better than a genius undiscovered indie band. Manchester Orchestra is also extraordinary, and also pretty unknown. I was stupid and didn't try to get tickets until the last minute, and they were sold out :(
I could have been in the same room with, and breathing the same air as my musical hero, but no, it was sold out. An undiscovered concert with two undiscovered bands got sold out. How this happened is beyound me. In my life, I have owned three band tee shirts; Joan Jett (I'm not a fan, I just saw her live and a t-shirt seemed like a good idea at the time.) The Format, and Fun. I usually try to wear one of the last two on this list at least once a week, but not this week; it was too sad. So at this moment, my Fun shirt sits clean, in my drawer, unworn. Tragic. Oh, and, I'm quitting orchestra next year, due to Mr. Planks, possibly the most insensitive jerk of a power-whore I have ever had the pleasure of encountering. Want me to elaborate? Just ask for the story, its a good one. I've always said I would stay in orchestra through highschool, but this has gone down the drain. I won't stop playing the violin though, I still love it. The Bird and The Bee and Gus Garcia are my newest favorite bands (out of the millions of favorites) and Christofer Drew is a total butthole. I always loved nevershoutnever UNTIL Mr.Drew started writing blogs and I realized what a douchebag he really is. Definatly not someone worth my admiration or time. My opinions were proved correct last weekend at Plane Centre, when Christofer lost his temper, cussed the crowd out while giving them the bird and picked up and threw a speaker. His myspace headline is "I'm no role model; all I want to show is love." Damn straight, he's no role model. And cussing out your fans and throwing large objects isn't what I would describe as love. Also on his page, "
I am Christofer Drew. I love you!" but then in his blog, " For any girl who thinks they are in love with me. You aren't. You don't know me, and if you did you probably wouldn't like me as much." and then "I really do love my fans. Without them I wouldn't have the confidence that I do. All my life I have had very low self-esteem and been depressed most of the time. All those encouraging words really do pick me up and make my day better." SO, we can't love him because we don't know him? But he can love us, yet he doesen't know us? Hypocrite.
I understand he has his fans with an everlasting unconditional love for him, but please, don't get sucked in with his catchy music.




Things I've recently realized
1. I want to live in a town identical to Stars Hollow when I grow up. With all the same characters, and I want to be Lorelai Gilmore. Actually, I would be fine with being either of the main characters, and I would do anyting to have thier lives even though it's fictional.
2. Speaking of which, after watching almost the entire 1st season of Gilmore Girls today, I've decided that I want blue eyes and dark hair. Blue contacts are easy, but I'm not brave enough to dye my hair. I also love Rory's wardrobe.
3. I'm extremely amused with witty, lengthy, or movie refernced comebacks and/or rants.
4. Life is all about figuring out who you are. I don't know how to do this, I feel very lost within myself sometimes. I think at my age, you are figuruing out how to live; this is discovered by religious rules, strict and brainwashing upbringings, or your own opinions on how life should be lived. I'm more than opposed to religion, I'm not easily brainwashed, and I have hardly any idea about what I want to do with my life.
5. Depression medicine doesen't do anything, I think it's just one big scheme. Months later, and I don't feel any better; if anything worse. As the doctor described it "it feels like a dark well that you've fallen so deep into and can't get out." Right on the dot. I can't tell you that I'm happy, because I'm not. I'm happy with certain things, and with certain people, but as a whole I'm not a happy person. I spend most of my time feeling sad, tired and anxious, and theres nothing anyone can do about it. Many people think *I* have the power to change this, or think positive, or find things that make me happy, or something like that- but thats like being able to fly out of this well, it doesen't work like that. You have to slowly and carefully climb your way out, or be rescued. A little understanding is nice though, and I don't feel like I have this, especially from my family.
6. Rhapsody sucks, I should go back to Limewire. But it's illegal and virus-causing so I continue falling deeper and deeper into debt with my parents.
7. I really REALLY need a haircut. I haven't even trimmed my hair since 8th grade, it's horrible. Jorge and I had a deal that if he didn't cut his hair I wouldn't cut mine. Last week he got a trim, entitling me to one too. Definatly up their on the to-do list.
8. My house doesn't have tape.
9. Nutella is my comfort food. I can make myself sick with it easily.
10. I think stopping writing in a diary was really bad idea. It left me with way too much built up thoughts and mental energy which definatly doesen't help me alredy existing anxiety issues.